Some People Will Never Meet The Real You

Do you ever worry about the many versions of you that exist out there in the world?

There’s the version of you your closest friends know.

The version your children know.

The version your coworkers know.

There’s the version of you that only comes out when you’re alone; the one who laughs, cries, overthinks, falls apart, pulls yourself back together, and occasionally ends up having a complete conversation with yourself in the car.

We are all slightly different versions of ourselves depending on who we’re with and what part of our lives they’ve shared with us.

For most of us, there’s also the version of ourselves that someone else decided we should be.

It’s a little unsettling when you think about how quickly a single disagreement, a hurt feeling, or a situation remembered differently can become someone else’s entire opinion of you.

Suddenly, people are forming opinions about a version of you that was created from assumptions, second-hand stories, hurt feelings, and someone else’s perspective.

The hardest part is they may never take the time to meet the real you.

Years ago, that thought would have consumed me.

I would have wanted to explain, defend myself and correct every misunderstanding to make sure everyone knew the “real me.” My thought process was if I could just explain what actually happened, they would understand.

Except life doesn’t really work that way.

To be completely transparent, I’ve done it too. I’ve formed an opinion about someone based solely on what someone else told me.

Not my finest moment.

It’s taken a whole lot of maturing (and possibly a little bit of therapy) to realize that you can’t manage your reputation one conversation at a time, nor should you form an opinion of someone based on an experience someone else had with them.  There are two sides to every story and sometimes you have no idea what the real story is.

People filter everything through their own experiences, insecurities, loyalties, expectations, and beliefs.

I’ve also realized something else.

People are going to talk about you; even the people who love you.

Honestly, it’s human nature.

We vent. We get frustrated. We tell our friends about the argument we just had with our spouse, friends, etc. We complain about our siblings or relatives. We tell someone we trust that one of our coworkers drove us completely crazy that day.

Sometimes we just need to get it out.

I know I’ve done it.

I don’t think that automatically makes someone a bad person or means they’re trying to turn everyone against you.

There’s a big difference between venting about something that hurt you and deliberately building a case against someone.

The people I trust most aren’t people who never talk about anyone.

They’re people who know the difference.

They can be frustrated with someone without turning that person into a villain.

They can disagree without needing to recruit an audience.

Those are safe people. They don’t need to tear someone else down to feel understood.

The truth is, we’re all going to be someone else’s difficult person at some point. We’re all going to have someone who is frustrated with us, disappointed in us, or telling a story about us that we might remember very differently.

That doesn’t necessarily mean they’re malicious.

It means we’re human.

And the rest?

You don’t have to chase them.

Don’t spend your life trying to manage someone else’s perception of you, just keep living in a way that feels true to your values.  Eventually, your character will introduce you far better than your explanations ever could.

I’ve really struggled at times with that one.

So, if you’ve been worrying about what someone is saying behind your back…

Take a deep breath.

Their going to have their version.

You keep living yours.