Tag: relationships
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When nothing gets resolved
I think most of us have experienced a blow-up with someone we love—a moment that could have led to resolution, or at least an honest conversation… and then nothing. The tension fades, the topic gets dropped, and life quietly goes back to normal.It’s almost like there’s an unspoken agreement to pretend it never happened. But…
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The Quiet Power of Walking Away from Gossip
Gossip is one of those things that slips into everyday life so easily we barely notice it happening. It can start as concern, curiosity, or even connection but in the mix of all of that, it often turns into something heavier. Something that doesn’t sit quite right. I’ve been on both sides of it. I’ve…
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You Are Not Everyone’s Emotional Lifeboat — Let Them Learn to Swim
Depending on where you are in your own healing journey, you may or may not realize that you’ve spent a lifetime treading water for everyone else. Whether that means you were the one who stayed calm in chaos, or listened without interrupting when a friend or family member needed to vent, or maybe you’ve just…
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Hurt People Hurt People… But I’m Tired of That Being an Excuse
Hurt people hurt people my therapist said it to me years ago, since then, I’ve read it in books, heard it in every self help podcast and I’ve repeated it myself and it’s true; pain that isn’t healed often spills out sideways through sharp words, emotional distance, defensiveness, addiction, control, or silence. I understand all…
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Choosing the right people
I’m an avid listener of the Mel Robbins podcast, so when I saw an episode last fall about the 80-year Harvard study on what makes a good life, I was excited to listen. A couple years back, my youngest had just gone off to college and was taking a sociology course. One night, she told…
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Boundaries without guilt
In a recent post, I spoke about how I slowly started realizing my worth. The word boundaries always felt heavy and selfish to me. My belief was simple: if I loved someone, I had to prove it by giving them everything—my time, my energy, my peace. Saying no felt like letting them down and…
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You don’t have to drink to need a 12-step program
When most people hear the words 12-step program, their minds immediately jump to Alcoholics Anonymous. To be fair, that was always my assumption too. I never dreamed it would be something I would benefit from. The reality is, there are 12-step programs for codependency, and they speak to your struggles just as powerfully as they…
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The hardest boundary I’ve ever had to keep (and why I still struggle with it)
Over the years, I’ve learned how to set boundaries. It used to feel impossible but with the help of therapy, a few tears, and trial-by-fire, I have learned how to say no. There’s one boundary that still knocks the wind out of me. One that I have to recommit to daily, sometimes hourly: Not rescuing…
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Being kind doesn’t mean being a doormat
There’s this perception that a kind person is one who always says yes.Or at least that was my perception for a long time. I thought that if I said no to extra work, invitations, favors, or anything that made me uncomfortable, I’d be viewed as difficult; maybe even bitchy, and for someone like me —…
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Loving my son through the hard parts
A mother/son bond is hard to beat. It’s so different from the mother/daughter bond. From the outside, you would say “they seem so close” and we are, but like most real relationships, the truth is layered. There is a deep love yet there have also been wounds, tension, and a kind of emotional stickiness that’s…
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Leave it as you found it (That includes people)
I recently got away for a night with my daughter. We stayed in the sweetest little Airbnb tucked away in our province — cozy, quiet, and full of charm. As we packed up and got ready to check out, I found myself tidying up without really thinking about it. Honestly, it made me smile, because…
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Why I apologize to my kids (then and now)
When I was growing up, parenthood seemed to be all about having the last word. I imagined that’s how I would have to parent as well. I thought I had to be right; even when I wasn’t because being “the adult” meant holding authority. To be honest, for a long time, I misunderstood what authority really meant.…
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When helping turns into controlling
I’ve done a lot of reflecting over the years, and never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever admit that what I once believed was simply being “helpful” was truly, a form of control especially when it came to being a parent. My support wasn’t always as selfless as I told myself it…
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What I wish I had known at 30
My stepdaughter turns 30 this year, and honestly—she’s got her shit together, far more than I ever did at that age. If you tell her that, she’ll quietly laugh and shy away from the compliment, but I can see it in her: the confidence, the clarity, the steady way she walks through life – and…
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How my kids have taught me boundaries
No one really prepares you for parenting adult children. You think once they’re out of the house, things will settle and that your job is pretty much “done.” If anything, the lessons get deeper — and boundaries become even more important. When my kids were young, boundaries were something I thought I was good at…
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How I Learned to Say No Without Guilt
“No” has lived at the bottom of my vocabulary for most of my life. I buried beneath politeness, people-pleasing, and a deeply rooted fear of disappointing others. On the rare occasion that I mustered up the courage to say no to something, I would drown in guilt for days afterward. The kind, helpful and supportive…
The Other Side of Nice 