Why repeat it?

Have you ever had someone tell you something that another person supposedly said about you, and the whole thing felt… unnecessary?

Like, thanks, but that was not helpful, not constructive, and quite frankly, just hurtful.

Often they’ll say  “I probably shouldn’t tell you this, but…” Or “I thought you should know what they said about you.”

Then they proceed to repeat a comment that seems designed to land directly on one of your insecurities – your weight, appearance, or confidence.

And suddenly you’re left wondering, Did I overshare too much? Did I trust the wrong person? Are they feeding off my insecurities?

Whatever wound you’re already carrying around, the person repeating it may be trying to gain your trust or loyalty, or maybe they just want a reaction.

I’ve had it happen to me many times over my 52 years, and I’ve come to realize that not every piece of information needs to be delivered. Just because something was said doesn’t mean it needs to be repeated.

I’m okay with people sharing information because they genuinely think it will help. That is one thing but sometimes it feels different; like someone just handed you a grenade and then stepped back to watch what happens.

Maybe they’re uncomfortable with their own insecurities or they enjoy drama.

Who knows, maybe they want to feel important because they’re “in the know.”

Some people just simply lack the emotional awareness to realize the impact their words can have.

Whatever the reason, the result is often the same.

You walk away questioning yourself, replaying the comment and wondering if it’s true and you feel smaller than you did five minutes earlier.

I once had a guy tell me that someone had seen me at the beach with my girlfriends and commented that I looked better with my clothes on.

Well, thank you.

I never would have considered that concept.

The funny thing is, I don’t remember who supposedly said it, but I remember who repeated it and I remember exactly how it made me feel.

What I’ve learned is that the messenger matters.

A lot.

A caring friend protects your dignity, and they should ask themselves “Is this information useful? Kind? Necessary?”

If the answer is no, they let it die right there and not because they’re hiding things from you, but because they understand that not every negative opinion deserves space in your head.

And let’s be honest: people talk, they judge, they gossip and they make assumptions.

If we carried around every unkind thing that has ever been said about us, we’d never have room for anything else.

What I’ve come to realize is that when someone repeats a hurtful comment, it often tells you as much about them as it does about the person who originally said it.

Sometimes more.

I wish I knew sooner that not taking it to heart is the healthiest approach.  I mean really, what was this person hoping I would do with this information? When I can’t come up with a good answer to that, I realize that maybe the comment wasn’t shared for my benefit at all.  One of the most freeing things you can do is stop accepting every opinion as truth.

Not everyone gets to define who you are.

Not everyone gets a vote.

And not every criticism deserves your attention.

But here’s the thing – that beach comment happened years ago.

And even though I can confidently say that I don’t care (now) what that person thought of my body, the comment still stuck.

Not because I believe it or because I let it define me.

But because careless words have a way of leaving fingerprints long after the moment has passed.

So no, you’ll probably never catch me in a bathing suit, even on the hottest day of summer.

And yes, at 52, I’m more comfortable with who I am than I’ve ever been.

But that experience reminds me of something important:

We never really know what someone else is carrying.

Which is exactly why we should be careful with the words we choose to repeat.

Sometimes the healthiest response is to recognize what’s happening, refuse to carry it, and move on.

Because protecting your peace isn’t being overly sensitive.

I have boundaries around what I allow to take up space in my mind…..and you should too 😉

Cheers friends!