My therapist once gave me a simple image that stuck:
You’re standing at a bus stop, waiting to get somewhere you really need to go. The problem? The bus isn’t coming, who knows, maybe it’s delayed; it might come…eventually.
So, you stand there. Waiting. Watching. Hoping.
You don’t actually need the bus; you can walk.
When she said that, I realized we weren’t talking about the bus anymore.
Codependency often looks exactly like that bus stop.
It’s the belief that life will move forward when someone else changes or they get better. When they finally understand or show up differently.
You’re stuck in a cycle of waiting; for the apology, the effort, the consistency, or just proof that things will be okay. But while you’re waiting, life quietly stands still.
Waiting feels safer than walking, because walking means accepting that the bus may never come.
If walking is an option, why do many of us never take it?
Let me define “walking” a little more too, it doesn’t always mean you physically walk away, it just means letting go of the “what ifs,” and the hope that someone will become who we need them to be.
It means facing the discomfort of change and trusting ourselves to move forward differently.
One time my daughter and I hopped on the subway in the city only to realize we were heading in the wrong direction. (I’ll take that one… maybe I should have trusted the Gen Z navigation skills.) At the next stop, there was an announcement; all operations were being shut down due to an incident on the tracks.
It was late, we were tired and we had no idea how long we’d be sitting there waiting.
We had two choices:
Stay put and hope things started moving again… or
Get up and find another way.
So, we got off, called an Uber, and kept going.
We didn’t sit there stressing about when the subway would start running.
We didn’t waste energy on what had already gone wrong.
We just took action and moved forward.
Codependency can feel the same way. It feeds on uncertainty and keeps you stuck in loops of what if they change? What if things get better? What if I just try harder?
But what if is a moving target. It keeps you rooted in anxiety; scanning for signs, replaying the past, and trying to control a future that doesn’t exist yet.
I used to believe I had to fix every problem that was brought to me but what I’m learning instead is I don’t have to control outcomes.
I can set boundaries and actually hold them.
I can stop taking responsibility for other people’s emotional responses.
I can get off this merry-go-round instead of riding it every time it starts.
That shift is what “walking” really is.
Living stuck at that bus stop is exhausting.
You are not meant to carry the weight of everyone else’s choices or absorb the emotional fallout over and over again.
When all your energy is focused outward, you lose sight of yourself.
That’s not selfish to notice; it’s necessary to change.
Walking doesn’t mean you stop caring. It means you start choosing differently in the present moment. You let actions matter more than promises. You stop organizing your life around what you hope might happen.
You don’t need to solve the past to move forward.
At some point, you have to ask yourself: How long am I willing to wait for a bus that may never come?
And more importantly: What could my life look like if I started walking today?
Once you stop waiting, you take your power back.
Not by changing someone else but by choosing yourself.
The Other Side of Nice 