The Other Side of Nice

I’ve lost count of the years I carried the weight of my past mistakes like a heavy coat I couldn’t take off. Exhausting! Every wrong choice, every argument, or every time I fell short was a reminder that I wasn’t enough. I used to think that if I could just fix the present, I could somehow erase the past — but that’s not how it works.

The truth is, we all make mistakes (I’ve made some doozies). The sooner we accept that, the sooner we can let go of the shame that keeps us trapped.

It started with forgiveness — first for myself, then for others. That was a tough one for me, because I used to believe that if someone hurt me, they should have to come groveling for my forgiveness — and that I had every right to stay mad without ever considering what they might be going through. It was easier to forgive myself at first, so that’s where I began.

I started telling myself that my past choices weren’t a reflection of my worth, but of my humanity. Every misstep was a lesson; a story that shaped me but didn’t define me. And those who truly loved me, loved me fiercely in spite of my mistakes.

Whenever old memories resurfaced, I tried not to judge them. Sometimes I’d write letters I never sent, just to release the pain and resentment I’d been carrying. That simple act became one of the most powerful ways to heal.

And honestly, I still do it. Every month, I write down what I’m ready to let go of and then burn the paper — a little ritual that feels like handing it back to the universe. Recently, my husband saw the ashes on the deck (we are still amid a drought here in NB) and asked what it was. I said, “Just stuff I was releasing.” He nodded and said, “Okay… just don’t start a fire.” He’s used to my bullshit by now. 😄

I have often had remind myself: I did the best I could with what I knew at the time. Have you ever thought how awful it would be to be judged forever by something you did as a teenager or in your early twenties? I can attest to that. Thank God we grow and change. Who we are at our core stays with us, but life has a way of softening us, shaping our reactions, and shifting our perspectives and without sounding like a corny line from a self-help book, that’s a beautiful thing.

Slowly, the shame I used to carry began to lift. I realized I couldn’t change the past, but I could choose how it shaped me moving forward. I could carry the lessons and leave the guilt behind.

Letting go of the past also meant learning to trust — the universe, life, or whatever you believe in — to hold it for me. I stopped obsessing over every wrong turn and began stepping into the present with grace.

Your past does not define you. You are not your mistakes. The sooner you release them; the sooner you’ll find peace with who you are today.

Now, I have the tools to breathe, to release, and to remember that my worth was never dependent on perfection.

If you’re still holding onto your past like I once did, start small. Forgive yourself. Learn from it, it might take a few tries but let it go. Your peace is waiting.