The Other Side of Nice

_{Photo credit: Jordyn Day}

It took me far longer than I care to admit to finally like who I am and celebrate my worth.  It wasn’t until I was in my very late 30’s that I started to see that I was a good person who deserved to be happy.

Codependency taught me to look for my worth everywhere but inside myself. I always thought it was tucked away in someone else’s opinion of me, whether I was a good enough mom, wife, daughter, or friend. Every relationship, every role, felt like a measuring stick. If someone was pleased with me, I felt like I was doing okay. If they weren’t, I questioned everything about myself.

I can see now how exhausting that was, always chasing after approval that never seemed to last. My worth felt like quicksand—shifting, sinking, slipping away depending on how someone else treated me.

I can’t pinpoint the exact moment everything shifted, but I know I’ve been happier and more confident over this past decade. It didn’t happen overnight—it was a slow build that ties closely to what I shared in my post about positivity. I think it was a collection of small realizations that finally made me see I was fighting a losing battle. I remember reflecting on my life one day—thinking about all the difficult conversations I’d had with people I loved, people I’d hoped to build something with, even casual acquaintances—and realizing how empty I felt. I had given so much of myself away just trying to keep the peace and be liked. Sitting there, I thought, If I don’t decide I’m enough, no one else ever will. And then, almost like an echo from the past, I heard my friend’s words in my mind: “If you want a different result, you have to make a different choice.”

So, I started making changes. Tiny ones, like saying no instead of stretching myself thin to please someone. Allowing myself to take a breath before answering a call or message, instead of dropping everything because I was scared of disappointing someone. Talking back to that voice in my head that was quick to remind me of every flaw.

Piece by piece, I started to see myself differently. My worth wasn’t in how much I could do, fix, or give. It wasn’t in whether someone else liked me. It was in the quiet moments when I chose myself—when I set boundaries, when I stood my ground, when I looked in the mirror and didn’t wait for someone else to tell me who I was.

I also realized I had kids who were watching me, learning from the very patterns I so desperately wanted them to overcome. I had to be the example that choosing yourself is not selfish; it’s survival, and strength.

We can’t let past mistakes define us. We’ve ALL made them, the sooner you realize that the sooner you can make peace with your past. Give it to the universe to carry! You cannot walk around with the shame and heaviness of wrong choices forever. Find your peace.

I won’t pretend it’s always easy. Old habits of people-pleasing still tug at me. The only difference is now, I know the truth: my worth has never belonged to anyone else. It was mine all along—I just had to stop searching for it everywhere but within.

Everyone’s path looks a little different, but at our core we’re all searching for the same thing – human connection – to be seen, valued and enough.  The way we get there won’t look the same.  You might find it in solitude, at a therapy session, in your faith, or in finally learning to set boundaries.  What matters is not how but that you do!

If you’re searching for yours, I want to tell you what I wish someone had told me: your worth isn’t given, it’s already yours. You don’t have to earn it, prove it, or beg for it. You just have to start claiming it.  Once you find it, you will stop settling for less than you deserve and start living in alignment with who you truly are.