The Other Side of Nice

Tag: boundaries

  • The Woman I Raised Is Teaching Me How to Be One

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    loriday1974
    in

    When I was growing up, being a “good woman” meant being agreeable. It meant keeping the peace and not making things awkward. There was an unwritten expectation to smooth things over when someone else made a mess and to carry more than your share all the while calling it love. The word no didn’t come…

  • Boundaries without guilt

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    loriday1974
    in

    In a recent post, I spoke about how I slowly started realizing my worth.   The word boundaries always felt heavy and selfish to me. My belief was simple: if I loved someone, I had to prove it by giving them everything—my time, my energy, my peace. Saying no felt like letting them down and…

  • The hardest boundary I’ve ever had to keep (and why I still struggle with it)

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    by

    loriday1974
    in

    Over the years, I’ve learned how to set boundaries. It used to feel impossible but with the help of therapy, a few tears, and trial-by-fire, I have learned how to say no. There’s one boundary that still knocks the wind out of me. One that I have to recommit to daily, sometimes hourly: Not rescuing…

  • When helping turns into controlling

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    by

    loriday1974
    in

    I’ve done a lot of reflecting over the years, and never in my wildest dreams did I think I’d ever admit that what I once believed was simply being “helpful” was truly, a form of control especially when it came to being a parent. My support wasn’t always as selfless as I told myself it…

  • How my kids have taught me boundaries

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    by

    loriday1974
    in

    No one really prepares you for parenting adult children. You think once they’re out of the house, things will settle and that your job is pretty much “done.” If anything, the lessons get deeper — and boundaries become even more important. When my kids were young, boundaries were something I thought I was good at…

  • How I Learned to Say No Without Guilt

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    by

    loriday1974
    in

    “No” has lived at the bottom of my vocabulary for most of my life. I buried beneath politeness, people-pleasing, and a deeply rooted fear of disappointing others. On the rare occasion that I mustered up the courage to say no to something, I would drown in guilt for days afterward.  The kind, helpful and supportive…