If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly running on empty — juggling work, caregiving, friendships, appointments, emotions — and still feeling like you’re not doing enough… you’re not imagining it.
I once heard Elizabeth Gilbert say:
“Nearly all the women I know are stressing themselves sick over the pathological fear that they simply aren’t doing enough with their lives.”
That line struck a chord with me because it’s not a personal flaw. It’s a pattern.
And there is science that backs it up.
Study after study shows women carry higher chronic stress loads than men. Cortisol — the body’s primary stress hormone — tends to run higher in women under sustained pressure. We are more likely to experience anxiety, depression, and autoimmune disorders. Our bodies are not “too emotional.” They are responding to real, sustained demand.
I’m currently reading the book The Body Keeps the Score by researcher Bessel van der Kolk at Harvard Medical School, a trauma expert who explains that chronic stress reshapes neural pathways and hormone responses. Even when life slows down, the body can remain on high alert.
This is not weakness; it’s biology under pressure.
Something not acknowledged nearly enough is that women are not overreacting, we are often overburdened.
My life is much quieter now, but back in the day I worked, parented, cooked, cleaned, managed appointments and so on. Women carry the emotional climate of our homes. Even in households where men “help,” most of the planning, remembering, anticipating, and worrying still lives in our heads.
That invisible labour has weight.
Then there’s the vigilance we carry everywhere we go. The background calculations of safety. The need to “text when you get home.” My daughter, for example, calls me every time she goes to a store at night if she’s alone — just so someone knows where she is. We read news stories about predators finding new ways to trick women — leaving notes on cars, faking injuries, or asking for help — and we absorb them like warnings. This constant hyper-awareness is exhausting and takes a real toll on our bodies and minds. Researchers call it “allostatic load” — the wear and tear from being on guard all the time.
But recognizing it is power. Naming these stressors helps us start shifting the systems and teaching the next generation that safety and freedom shouldn’t have a gendered cost.
Many men are loving allies. But systems still tilt.
So, what does empowerment look like?
It looks like naming this without apology. Setting boundaries — not as rebellion, but as preservation. And raising sons who understand mental load – partners who don’t “help,” but fully share.
This International Women’s Day, let’s shift the narrative.
We are not too sensitive.
We are not bad at time management.
We are not failing at balance.
We have been carrying structural weight, and we are strong enough to say so.
Rest is not weakness.
Boundaries are not selfish.
Naming reality is not complaining.
We’ve been told to “relax,” “lighten up,” or “stop overthinking” for far too long. But the truth is, women have been carrying the weight of vigilance, responsibility, and emotional survival for generations. We deserve safety. We deserve rest. We deserve systems that don’t run on the unpaid, unacknowledged stress of women.
If you’ve been feeling frazzled, resentful, or just plain tired, you’re not failing. You’re living inside systems that make women sick with stress. The science backs you up. So, talk about it. Share your stories. Keep raising the conversation — because every time a woman names what’s really going on, the world shifts a little closer to balance.
The Other Side of Nice 