I used to take everything to heart. If someone was upset with me, I’d replay the conversation for days. I would spend hours crafting the perfect comeback in my head, only to keep it there.
If something didn’t go as planned, I’d feel like it was somehow my fault and replay it until I was exhausted. I’m pretty sure the other person likely wasn’t even thinking about it anymore.
If someone I loved was hurting, I’d carry their pain like it was my own. Over time (and honestly through a lot of hard lessons) I realized something very powerful to me; being unbothered isn’t about not caring, it’s about caring intentionally.
Every reaction cost energy, and not everything is worth the price. As I said in my last post, energy is currency. Spend it where it brings peace and growth. You wouldn’t hand out free money, so why give away your peace to people or situations that drain you?
The best advice I ever received about carrying what is not mine was to pause and ask myself: will this really matter next week? Most of the time, it won’t.
Don’t ever feel like your silence in a situation is weakness, choosing not to respond to something means you are taking control. Silence can be powerful. It’s a statement that “I’m not available for this kind of energy”.
Let people misunderstand you. I know, this one’s tough, but it’s also freeing. You don’t have to explain yourself to everyone. Some people only hear what they want to hear. Let them. (My Mel Robbins plug lol). Part of me still wants to explain myself at times. Part of me still hates being misunderstood. But I’ve learned that peace is more important than being perfectly perceived.
Now I pour my time and attention into what grounds me: my goals, the people who value me, and the small joys that remind me life is bigger than whatever is trying to steal my calm.
For example, my daughter and I just made Bingo cards for 2026 as a fun way to set our goals—kind of like a vision board. Hers looked very different than mine (she’s 21 and I’m 51, so you can imagine our priorities are a little different).
I used to hate winter. I couldn’t imagine finding small joys in this season at all. Now, it’s one of my favorites. I love watching the little birds who choose to endure the cold with us here in the Maritimes. Today, while walking my dog, I heard a soft, deliberate chirp and looked up to see the most beautiful cardinal staring back at me. In the summer, I love watching the trees and flowers come back to life, and hearing those same cardinals find their voices again with their unmistakable mating calls.
It’s all a reminder that life is always cycling, always returning — if we’re paying attention.
That, to me, is what caring intentionally looks like, noticing, slowing down, and choosing to be present for the quiet beauty that’s always been there.
So, my advice is simple, stop reacting to people or situations that don’t deserve your time. It’s not about being passive; it’s about being selective. You get to decide what deserves your energy, your peace, and your response—and honestly, most of it doesn’t.
Becoming unbothered has never been about shutting people out or pretending things don’t affect me. It’s about learning where to invest my energy. I still care deeply about my people, my work, my values, and the things that truly matter. I just no longer let every opinion, misunderstanding, or minor inconvenience drain me. I choose peace over proving a point.
I still show up for the people I love. I still care about doing my best and making a difference. I just don’t chase validation, let perfectionism steal my joy, or burn myself out trying to fix everything.
Unbothered doesn’t mean I’ve stopped feeling. It means I’ve stopped overextending.
Quite honestly, I know my worth, I trust my intentions and I’ve learned to let go of what was never mine to carry.
So if I seem more peaceful these days, it’s not because I stopped caring. It’s because I finally learned that caring deeply and protecting my peace can coexist.
And that’s where my real power lives.
The Other Side of Nice 