If there’s one voice that’s followed me through every stage of life, it’s the one inside my head: the critic. You know the one, the voice that whispers you’re not enough, you should’ve done better, they’re upset because of you. For far too many years, I listened to that voice without question because I thought it was the truth.
When I started working on my self worth, I realized that none of that was true. It was conditioning by others, old stories, old wounds, and old fears that had lived in me for too long.
Rewriting that voice wasn’t easy. The most important lesson I’ve learned was the words we say to ourselves matter more than anything anyone else could ever say because we live with them every single day.
I started with awareness. I remember when my son was a teenager, I reached out to every resource possible, either trying to get him help, reassuring myself that I was doing the right thing, etc. I remember one counsellor who I had only talked to briefly saying to me “you’re a good Mom, you’re doing all the right things”. Bring on the water works. I remember crying and thanking her but also those words kept coming back to me and I finally said to myself “You are a damn good Mom! If you weren’t, you wouldn’t care this much”.
That was the moment I started catching myself when my mind jumped straight to criticism. You should’ve handled that better or you’re letting everyone down. Once I heard it, I asked myself a simple question: Would I ever say this to someone I love? The answer was always no.
So I started replacing the script inside my head. I didn’t begin with over-the-top affirmations (though I use them now). Does anyone remember the old Saturday Night Live skit with Stuart Smalley? “I’m good enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people like me.” I used to laugh my way through those episodes — not realizing how much truth was hiding in the humor.
I started with what felt right to me, when I felt like I was doing everything wrong, I’d remind myself: Every mistake is a lesson, not a label. I learned to question my own criticism, to talk back, and to replace it with compassion. That shift changed the way I saw myself more than anything else.
Slowly, my inner voice softened. I realized I had to be my biggest fan in life — less like an enemy and more like an ally.
In more recent years, journaling has helped me continue that growth. With guidance from my therapist, I began using journal prompts that went beyond the basic “Today was good” or “Today was bad.” They helped me dig deeper into how I was feeling and why. I’m now developing a guided journal — one that’s helped me shift from being a people pleaser and codependent to someone who gives herself grace and recognizes her own worth.
Recently, I noticed something small but meaningful; a small tree on my neighbor’s lawn. It’s one of several he planted at the same time, but this one hasn’t grown like the others. Every dog that walks by seems to stop there, and over time it’s become the tree that gets peed on. It struck me that even though it’s the same kind of tree, planted in the same soil, it’s been exposed to something that’s slowly stunted its growth.
It made me think about how we grow — or don’t — depending on the environment around us. Just like that tree, when we’re constantly surrounded by negativity or criticism, it seeps in. The words we hear and the ones we repeat to ourselves can either nourish us or poison our roots. If we don’t protect our inner space, we start to believe those toxic messages and our growth slows down.
Rewiring your inner voice is about changing that soil — learning to speak to yourself with kindness, understanding, and truth. You can’t always stop what others say, but you can choose what takes root inside you. When we start to change the environment through our self-talk, boundaries, or mindset, we begin to thrive again.
The negative thought patterns that once felt so loud have quieted for me but that doesn’t mean I think I’m perfect; it means I’ve learned to be kind to myself.
There are so many ways to start rewiring your brain, but the biggest game-changers for me have been gratitude, mindfulness, and self-compassion.
So this is your reminder: you don’t have to believe every thought that comes into your head. You get to rewrite the script.
I was just talking to my oldest daughter about this over the weekend. We were having one of those deep conversations where life gets real, and she said “I’ve learned that not every thought that comes into your head is true.” She paused for a second and said, “That’s actually kind of freeing.” And it is. Once you realize that your thoughts aren’t always facts, you start to question the ones that make you feel small. You start to choose which ones deserve your energy and which ones you can let go.
Because your worth doesn’t live in the harsh words of your inner critic.
It lives in the truth you choose to tell yourself.
You get to choose a kinder story.
The Other Side of Nice 