There’s a period of my life I look back on now and actually chuckle. My friend Ali and I used to have what we called our “bitching sessions.” We’d either get together or email (yes, we’re ancient) and pour out everything that was wrong in our lives, feeding off each other’s frustrations. At the time, it felt like bonding, but looking back, it only kept us stuck in negativity.
Then one day something shifted. I can’t really recall how it came about, but it was almost like a light bulb went off, we both decided “What if we just started being positive?”
I used to think positivity was a cliché thing. You know the kind where people say things like “just think happy thoughts, and life will get better.” Honestly, when you’re in the thick of hard times, that advice can feel dismissive, even insulting. I often thought things would never get better. I felt stuck, weighed down by circumstances and my own negative thoughts. Have you ever heard the old saying: it’s always darkest before dawn? My “darkest” season wasn’t just about what was happening around me—it was also about what I was saying to myself. My inner voice was constantly reminding me of what I wasn’t, what I didn’t have, and how far I was from where I wanted to be. No wonder I felt hopeless!
Around that time, podcasts and blogs were just starting to grow in popularity, and I remember seeing an advertisement for a book by Joel Osteen called I Declare. Now, I’ll admit—I’m not super religious, but I’m also not opposed to the idea that there’s something greater than us out there guiding our path. Osteen’s book wasn’t about doctrine—to me, it was about manifestation. He explained that the words we speak to the universe matter. If we speak life, good things come. If we speak negativity, we attract more of the same. Even now, the book I Declare remains on my bookshelf, marking the start of a new chapter in how I saw myself.
The idea of that stuck with me.
Not long after, I caught myself listening to the words I was speaking—not to others, but to myself. The running commentary in my head was harsh, critical, and hopeless. I realized I would never talk to a friend that way, so why was I doing it to myself?
That was my turning point.
From that moment, I started looking for more resources on positive self-talk. I discovered countless influencers encouraging people to look in the mirror and say kind things to themselves. At first, it felt awkward and fake, it didn’t come naturally but over time, with practice, those words started to stick. The more I spoke life over myself, the more I began to believe it and the more I believed it, the more my life started to shift. I decided to try something different. Instead of telling myself everything that was going wrong, I began speaking words of encouragement. For example, instead of saying “I can’t handle this,” I said, “I’m learning how to handle this.” or instead of “things will never change,” I whispered, “better days are coming.”
Guess what? They did.
Little by little, my mindset shifted, and my energy felt lighter. I noticed more opportunities around me, because I wasn’t clouded by constant negativity. Problems didn’t magically disappear, but as my therapist has explained, life isn’t all about being happy and positive all the time, we’re still going to have bad days but on those bad days, I started approaching them with more resilience. What once felt impossible started to feel manageable.
I won’t say positivity is a cure-all, but I will say this; the way we speak to ourselves matters more than we realize. Words are powerful. They shape how we see the world, how we treat ourselves, and ultimately, how we show up in life.
I never thought things would get better—until I started telling myself they would.
Now, looking back, I can see that small switch in my self-talk was the first step toward everything changing.
These days, I start each morning with a little self-hype. I sit quietly at the end of my bed, ground myself, and follow a five-minute meditation I discovered on YouTube. During it, I affirm things like, “I am exactly where I’m meant to be,” “I am attracting good things into my life,” and “The universe always has my back.” The key to all of this is that I truly believe it. No matter what challenges I’ve faced, I’ve always found a way through—and I trust that things will continue to fall into place.
It reminds me of a visit to New York City with my daughter, when we went to the Imagine memorial in Central Park. Standing there, reading the words, I couldn’t help but think: Imagine your life going the way it’s meant to. That simple idea stuck with me. Every day, when I ground myself and speak affirmations, I picture that vision—my life unfolding as it should, full of possibilities, growth, and all of the blessings around me. So, if you’re in your own “darkest before dawn” season, hold on. Speak kindly to yourself. Encourage your own heart. Dawn is closer than you think.
The Other Side of Nice 